Sitting in a coffee shop, munching on a spinach feta croissant and sipping a latte. The windows are wide open because it's beautiful outside. I'm really excited to waste my morning away sitting here and doing nothing in particular.
I've been doing an abundance of blog reading lately...work has been a little bit slow this week and I have just had this pull to read about other people's lives. I don't know. You can keep up with friends lives without actually seeing or talking to them through facebook, with their random status updates and pictures, but blogs- it's almost like you are actually talking to people because they are writing about thoughts and upcoming plans and decisions...not just those short bits of info in a status update. I used to hate blogs....but now I love them. Maybe because it is a piece of technology that doesn't require brevity. I wish more of my friends wrote blogs. I wish my mom wrote a blog. Maybe I just wish more of my friends and my mom lived closer...then I wouldn't wish for a blog, but wish that they were sitting with me at this coffee shop.
A few things weighing on my mind recently...
Yesterday the West Memphis Three were freed. I knew a little bit about the case previously just because Eddie Vedder was a supporter of the three guys and had helped with fundraising for their defense, etc. I never read anything about it...in general, I feel like Eddie Vedder is a pretty socially conscious person and if he supports something, he has looked into the information, and it is probably something important. Then I saw the headline yesterday and read the first article that popped up on my yahoo email page....it was a horribly written article that took bits of facts and wrote about them out of context (as happens in the news, I know)...it left me really confused. I read a few other articles and then felt better about the freeing of the guys. If you aren't familiar, in 1993 three 8-yr old boys were killed, in an awful way (don't read those details...I did and it hasn't left my mind since) and three 17 yr old boys were convicted- one put on death row, the others with life sentences. Many people believed the boys were wrongly convicted and that there wasn't any evidence to support it...they spent almost 20 years in prison fighting it. There was a documentary made about it called Paradise Lost:The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills. I don't think I will watch it, but it is supposed to be really good.
So while I think it is probably a good thing that these three men were let go, I just can't stop thinking about the three little boys (who would now be almost my age) that were killed. The details...that someone could do that to kids. It makes me think of my nieces and nephew, the kids I babysat...and I really just can't get past it. How can people abuse kids? They are so innocent and trusting and dependent on those older than them. It makes you never want to let kids out of your sight....I don't know how parents do it...how they aren't just constantly consumed with worry. I am a worrier in general, I always have been, and it is something I am constantly working on. I think I am pretty good about recognizing a silly worry, praying about it, and letting it go. With my own stuff, I can give it over to God knowing that I have no control and will be able to find the strength to deal with whatever does come along....but I just can't imagine being able to do that with kids...because bad things happen to kids. Bad things happen to grown ups, but grown ups can understand that bad things shouldn't happen, but do. Kids are just so trusting. Sigh...I really need to let this one go...
On a MUCH lighter note, but still....my apartment is still such a mess. I have unpacked the boxes, but the place has never been fully put together. It is possible to walk through (unlike the obstacle course it used to be), but it isn't possible to walk through without stepping on stuff. I hate it. I hate being at home. I know I just need to suck it up and clean it. Just spend a good, solid day getting it together...but my schedule is so busy...those rare moments where I'm not scheduled for something- I want to spend it sitting in a coffee shop, playing catch, or reading a book....not cleaning. Not to mention that summer has finally arrived and I sure don't want to spend a sunny day inside.
And finally, on my mind....I have been thinking and looking more and more into going back to school. Getting my masters and becoming a teacher. Or a school counselor. A few things holding me back...obviously the money for school...though I have always told myself I would never not do something because of money. I can ALWAYS figure out a way to make that work. But still...money. But more importantly, I think it would be such a frustrating occupation. My mom is a teacher and my mom is PASSIONATE about public education. She is SO involved in efforts to make necessary positive changes. She is on countless committees and travels all over the US for conferences...she is an incredible speaker and has such a gift for motivating people. And I have watched her do this for years and years and years...and I don't know how she continues to stay positive. With every small step forward, there are 3 huge steps back. She keeps saying it HAS to get better. I am afraid to get into a career that I go home frustrated with every day. I want to be a teacher so I can get kids excited about learning...let them see all of the unbelievably cool things they are capable of...not tell them that they failed a stupid test that in no way measured their intelligence. Sometimes I think maybe I should just stick with babysitting...parents appreciate creative projects. Though I suppose the kids that I babysit for aren't the ones that are in need...they have parents that encourage and provide opportunities. And I guess rather than seeing the frustrations my mom faces, I should notice the fact that she HAS managed to stay positive and does continue to care, and has been a teacher for twenty some years...it must be worth it.
That is all for now...I hope you are having a super great weekend...also, if you have a blog, send it along to me, I want to read it!
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